Dealing with Chronic Pain

Today I am dealing with some aches in pains in various parts of my body. It’s pretty annoying because I have things I want to do. One of those things was working on some new headbands to put on my Etsy shop.

So what I am doing instead? Instead I am working on fan merchandise for YallWest. I am going to be able to go and represent some of my favorite fandoms. One of them is Dorothy Must Die, and I am working on a headband for the Order of the Wicked. I am using green and black to represent that.

Though I am in so much pain it is hard to focus on the headband to begin with. I am hurting in my back, legs, and most immediately, my one tooth that desperately needs a root canal that I can’t afford and insurance won’t cover. It’s throbbing like a heartbeat.

Other than that, I found out that a family member I am somewhat close to had a stroke and is in the hospital in a medically induced coma. It’s not looking good, and I’m not sure even sure I’ll be able to say goodbye.

There’s not much else to say right now, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something for tomorrow.

Ugh

So frustrated with myself, my body, whatever else I can blame for my current state of affairs. Went to the doctor this morning as those of you who read my previous blog know.  The news wasn’t good. I have so many referrals and appointments to make, and I’m not looking forward to any of them.

First and foremost we got to the bottom of my foot issue. I have a bunion on the bone of my right big toe. This is probably going to require a surgical removal. I’m not doing that until after my vacation to California.

THEN. Then, he pulls out my blood test results for Mom. Just hearing it all again gets me upset and depressed. Higher than normal cholesterol, very  high levels of blood sugar. It just doesn’t make sense with everything I’ve done. But I have to remind myself these were before I started making all the changes. Yet, I’m going to make the final push to eating healthier, leaner foods. I have to. I wish I had stuck with it when I was eating healthier last Summer, but that’s okay.  I will make that push again. This  time because I have to, not because I want to. I need to save myself. I don’t want to die early.

I just feel like I have to start all over and I’m tired of doing that. What did I even do to deserve this? I’ve been a mostly healthy eater my whole life . I have a few food vices, but who doesn’t? Currently, I don’t feel like I am good at anything healthy. Everything I want to do I can’t cause there is something in the food I’m not supposed to have. I wonder what our ancestors did to prevent diabetes and other food related health issues. Hmm.

I’m just ranting and raving this entry. I’m going to be okay. I just needed to put my feelings down somewhere, and I consider my blog my safe space.

Heather

From Sugar Freak to Sugar Free: A Struggle

Diabetes. I’ve heard that word so many times throughout my life. Both sides of my family have it. Both of Mom’s parents did, and if I’m not mistaken so did my father’s. (I honestly couldn’t be bothered to ask, but let’s not open that  can of worms right now.) I’ve become the most recent victim of this disease, and let me tell you, I am not loving it.

Yesterday started Lent, and that’s when I decided to push myself off of soda for good. I thought that was going to be biggest, and hardest thing to get rid of in my diet. Guess what folks? Hell week started last night, and so did the chocolate craving! Chocolate is going to be another one of those things that I am going to have give up eventually, but I already had the Hershey’s in the house for the forthcoming craving, so…. you guessed it. I’ve been indulging. I’ve been trying to keep it down to the suggested piece amount per serving (in this case 9 kisses equals one serving). But last night, I think I over indulged because I was severely upset with my stepfather and his overly loud television watching while I was trying to actually go to bed at a decent hour for a change. Okay, I don’t think I did. I know  I did. I promised myself I’d be honest here, and there you have it.

But those are only the obvious sugar offenders. I didn’t realize so many of the things I ate daily had sugar in them. Even my favorite fruits have sugar! So this is going to be a constant struggle for me to get control of.

I have decided to start an offline food diary to help me figure out what’s being eaten too much, and what I need to eat more of. I’ve been getting some good advice from Mom, who even said she had a diabetic cookbook she’d loan me so I can start cooking like I should be eating. Today, for instance, my stepfather (I don’t generally consider him my stepfather but since you guys are just now  getting a look into my outside craft life, I wanted to be politically correct. From here on in, he’ll be known as Daddy or Daddy C.) took me to Wal-Mart where I could buy a new water bottle. I’m already in love with it. It came with a fruit infusion basket which will allow me some flavor that won’t include sugar! I also picked up some skim milk which I could drink instead of whole milk, and I got myself some cottage cheese. I’ve been looking for healthier, bread-free lunches besides salads which the obvious choice.

I need to ask Mom if she still has a dressing bottle because I might make up some paleo dressing for my salads so that I know exactly what I’m eating instead of worrying about what the dressing bottles say. Besides the Paleo dressing is delicious, and I can eat that.

Well, that’s it for this entry. I will see you guys again real soon!